Tuesday, October 14, 2008

send me a sign

Last night, before I went to bed, I asked God for A Word.

And, miraculously, He gave me one.

Let me explain. I've been praying about so much lately -- my kids, my marriage, my work, my "play." (Not sure where this blog fits in, but anyway...)

I've been troubled, confused, anxious. I'm trying to make decisions about how to improve things around here. Should I send the boys to "real" school? Should I focus on my writing, or put in on the back burner?

So when I went to bed last night, in a bit of a saucy mood, I decided to turn it right over to God. Just give me A Word, I prayed. Tell me what to do. You've got that all-knowing thing down, Lord, so show me a little love.

And he did.

Sort of.

I dreamed of a word, all right. I actually dreamed of a billboard, clad in red, letters tall. All in caps. A Word.

This has never happened before, and I don't imagine it will again, so I suppose I should savor the moment.

The word?

"REALIZE."

Huh?

It was a "what you talkin' 'bout Willis" moment, for sure.

Realize....realize what? What are you trying to tell me, Lord, in the guise of my quirky subconscious mind?

I'm not sure what I should realize, but I've been pondering it all day, and I suppose that's a start. I must admit I've felt more at peace than I've been in days, and for that I'm grateful.

Things to realize:

I'm blessed. With children, a husband, talents, choices. I'm blessed with busyness, chores, clutter, and internet access.

I'm anointed. Anointed with a calling to serve my husband and children. They are my priority. Anointed with a yearning to spread a message to a wider audience, as well.

I'm human. It will not be easy to find balance. In my humanness I am all at once tiny and insignificant and glorious and mighty. Who knew it would be so difficult?

In a desperate attempt to decipher "realize," I did the modern equivalent to calling my mom. I googled it, and happened upon the lyrics to Colbie Callat's song with that title.

There I found more of the illusive message.

"Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your si-i-i-de
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
That this all can pass by
Didn't I didn't I tell you
[Refrain:]
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you."


Thanks.

Well, tonight when I go to bed I will not ask for "A Word." I'll ask for a sentence, a paragraph, a WORD 2003 compatible document. Heck, I'll ask for a term paper, single-spaced, in 10 pt. type entitled "Cathy, this is what you should do."

While I'm waiting for that, I'm entertaining all input from mystics and charlatans alike. Bring on the advice.

I'm listening.

3 comments:

Soul Pockets said...

Cathy, I love your posts!

Lately I have met people who actually receive signs from God. It makes me feel a little inferior because God does not wish to talk to me, or send me some awesome sign. It is after the fact that I look back on the sequence of events in my life and think, "Oh, now I get what Your trying to do."

The only advice I can give is what I do. I take life day by day and remember what my girl St Faustina said, "Jesus I trust in you." Things seem to go well when I put that into practice.

Let us know if you receive that paragraph and if you don't "Realize" that even though you can't see it, God is defiantly working through you. Others can see it well.

Peace
Kelly

Giovanni said...

Was you dream anything like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvdma6tCnjw

Cathy Adamkiewicz said...

Giovanni, minus the dying elephant and the guys in bunny suits, it was shockingly similar.