I've having one of my episodes.
Doesn't that sounds like a malady that may have afflicted Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies? "I'm havin' an episode, Jed. And my rheumatism is actin' up."
My episodes have never been featured on a sit-com, but they could be. 'Cept they're not all that funny and they last longer than 30 minutes, less commercials.
I guess you could say I'm in a funk. I feel crappy. I have a vague headache and a vaguer still sense of I don't know, ennui. I don't know what that word means, but it seems to fit here.
Actually, not a bad word choice. I'm smarter than I think! At least, perhaps, my vocabulary is better than I think. Because today, all I think is funky.
I want to write but I don't know what to say. I want to say something important, but everything seems mundane and boring.
I'm boring, I guess.
My blog is boring, my thoughts are boring. I spent some time visiting some other blogs, and ended up feeling even more boring. Wow. I want to have a cool template like this, and be witty like this, and smart like this. I want to wear this kind of shoes, and shop where she shops. I want a neat name like hers. I want to be holy like him, and funny like her, and a great writer like my friend Kate. And when I looked at this blogger's homeschool classroom, I wept openly.
I'm jealous. And pouty. And life isn't fair.
At Mass today a lovely priest gave a very long sermon, and he said lots of wonderful things that I certainly needed to hear. When I'm having an episode, I don't pay attention so well, so I can't remember what I was going to say here...Oh yeah! He said all sorts of good stuff, but all I can remember is this: you say that God isn't fair, but maybe you're not fair. Or something like that.
What I got out of it, in my funky-episodic state, is that life is rough, so deal, girl. Quit complaining and show up when you say you're going to. Do your best and leave the results up to God.
Those disciples of Jesus' were really dumb. When Jesus asked them who did their father's will, those who said yes and then blew off the work, or those who said no way and then sucked it up and go the job done, did they say the first group? Were they really that thick? Did they think that's all they needed to do, say sure and then do nothing?
I know I'm just as stupid. I say I'm a committed Christian, and that I will do what it takes. Then the going gets a little rough, or a little boring, and I start whining that things aren't fair.
OK, so life's not fair. Shut up and do it anyway.
And until this episode runs its course, I've just got to bear it patiently. What would Granny do? Probably go for a spin in that groovy jalopy, take a dip in the cement pond, chide Ellie May, scold Jethro, and take a nip of moonshine.
There will be a commercial break soon, and I'm sure this whole thing will wrap up in less than a half hour.
Prayers appreciated in the meantime.