Sunday, September 28, 2008

stay tuned

I've having one of my episodes.

Doesn't that sounds like a malady that may have afflicted Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies? "I'm havin' an episode, Jed. And my rheumatism is actin' up."

My episodes have never been featured on a sit-com, but they could be. 'Cept they're not all that funny and they last longer than 30 minutes, less commercials.

I guess you could say I'm in a funk. I feel crappy. I have a vague headache and a vaguer still sense of I don't know, ennui. I don't know what that word means, but it seems to fit here.

Ennui: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ennui

Actually, not a bad word choice. I'm smarter than I think! At least, perhaps, my vocabulary is better than I think. Because today, all I think is funky.

I want to write but I don't know what to say. I want to say something important, but everything seems mundane and boring.

I'm boring, I guess.

My blog is boring, my thoughts are boring. I spent some time visiting some other blogs, and ended up feeling even more boring. Wow. I want to have a cool template like this, and be witty like this, and smart like this. I want to wear this kind of shoes, and shop where she shops. I want a neat name like hers. I want to be holy like him, and funny like her, and a great writer like my friend Kate. And when I looked at this blogger's homeschool classroom, I wept openly.

I'm jealous. And pouty. And life isn't fair.

At Mass today a lovely priest gave a very long sermon, and he said lots of wonderful things that I certainly needed to hear. When I'm having an episode, I don't pay attention so well, so I can't remember what I was going to say here...Oh yeah! He said all sorts of good stuff, but all I can remember is this: you say that God isn't fair, but maybe you're not fair. Or something like that.

What I got out of it, in my funky-episodic state, is that life is rough, so deal, girl. Quit complaining and show up when you say you're going to. Do your best and leave the results up to God.

Those disciples of Jesus' were really dumb. When Jesus asked them who did their father's will, those who said yes and then blew off the work, or those who said no way and then sucked it up and go the job done, did they say the first group? Were they really that thick? Did they think that's all they needed to do, say sure and then do nothing?

I know I'm just as stupid. I say I'm a committed Christian, and that I will do what it takes. Then the going gets a little rough, or a little boring, and I start whining that things aren't fair.

OK, so life's not fair. Shut up and do it anyway.

And until this episode runs its course, I've just got to bear it patiently. What would Granny do? Probably go for a spin in that groovy jalopy, take a dip in the cement pond, chide Ellie May, scold Jethro, and take a nip of moonshine.

There will be a commercial break soon, and I'm sure this whole thing will wrap up in less than a half hour.

Prayers appreciated in the meantime.

9 comments:

Urban Mom said...

A funk is a natural thing, a natural dip in the jetstream of life. (gawd, that was so cheesy it calls for a good wine, huh?) But they make one appreciate the highs in life a bit more. It'll pass. And then when February comes around, and I'm out of my mind with an endless winter funk, you can return the favor and remind me! And just for the record: 1.)I am *endlessly* flattered to be mentioned and 2.)I wept openly at the schoolroom too. I feel teeny tiny looking at it!

Hang in there!

=-)

Cassie said...

I'm in a funk more often than not and I could so relate to checking out other's blogs and then feeling like you've been wasting your time. But you're awesome! Anyway, hang in there. I will be praying for you.

Soul Pockets said...

Funk is my middle name. Keep your eyes to the sky and things will turn out fine. You are really awesome Cathy. You and your funk will be in my prayers.

Out on a Limb said...

Oh my! I'm so embarrassed that you wept at my homeschool classroom. Trust me, it didn't take long for it to enter it's current state: COMPLETELY TRASHED! Shoot, maybe I should take some pictures of it now. I'll try to do that today and have a new blog post. Please don't think I'm any good at this though ;) I was a classroom teacher and transitioning from that to a homeschooling parent is quite a challenge. And some (most) days, I'm not very good at it.

Mary Lou said...

Cathy,

Your blog is the story of my life. We're good bedfellows. I guess that's why we're friends. I'll pray especially for you today.

Cathy Adamkiewicz said...

Thank God for my funky friends! Love you guys. Thanks!

Laura said...

I'm in a funk too. Why do you think I'm writing about WEIGHT today....can you say huge cop out?
As soon as I read the beginning of your post, I thought you were funny.
So go with funny.
Cuz you are.

Jamie said...

You are far from boring. I always love coming here. I think jealousy is one of those things we all deal with in the blogworld. Along with the good, there is bad and that is one of those bad things.

I think we all feel these same things. Time for a break then, refresh.

You are in my prayers.

momto5minnies said...

Well I enjoyed reading your "in a funk" post. I liked the realness
(is that even a word) of it. September is a tough month for me with all the back to school adjusting. I have a hard time speaking or writing coherently and that is incredibly frustrating.

Just keep doing what you do ... BE YOU!