Today's the kind of day when I need to come here to the field, lay down, and let the blue blossoms swallow me right up.
Four years ago today Celeste died. I usually do quite well on this anniversary. I don't cry, and I don't get all melodramatic. I comfort my husband and children, and I tell people her life was a blessing and I have no bitterness, only joy.
Today wasn't exactly like that.
I was with "others" today - people outside of the family - something that's not happened on an anniversary yet. I thought I'd be fine, then I knew I wouldn't be. I thought about staying home from work. I'm glad I didn't.
I went to work, and I cried, and I talked and I allowed myself to be comforted. I'm not used to that. I'm used to being the the one who's doing the comforting.
I'm so blessed to have family, friends, and now coworkers who care about me.
Today I remembered Celeste, and I remembered her suffering, as well as the great blessing of her life. Life is filled with suffering and blessings. To be truly alive is to embrace them both.
Once again I'll share the video I made for Celeste. I hope it will make you smile - and cry.
Be alive. And thank God.